Skip The Budgiein tha hizzousehttp://www.skipthebudgie.org/atom/feed2008-03-06T06:24:40-05:00Referenceshttp://www.skipthebudgie.org/faculty/references2008-07-17T09:51:27-04:002008-07-17T09:55:44-04:00adminSomehow I find myself lumbered with the impressively tedious task of providing references for students. It is a job that seems to have been tagged on to the role, more of a Well they've always done it, than it actually having any relevance to anything else I do. So I look up students, demand signatures, write brief unrevealing letters and palm as many off onto absent academics as I am allowed.
I don't do character assassinations, only dates and awards - I am only admin after all and can't be expected to know them all personally1. Usually this is all that's required, they are usually temp agencies. Occasionally there are some corkers. I receive a call from an agency, who are disappointed to learn that I have told them that a student has withdrawn after 2 years without getting anything. He essentially failed first year and didn't turn up for second year. But we have a certificate here, saying he got a 2:1 they assure me. Naturally I am interested to learn how someone manages to get a 2:1 when they failed after year 2, so I ask for a copy.
The 'certificate' is on headed paper, sure. It has our fancy certificate logo on it, certainly. There is a bit of formal wording saying that the Academic and Administrative Staff are please to commend the award of... (as if the admin staff care), which bears no resemblance whatsoever with any genuine certificates. The crowning glory of the forgery is the signature of our current Vice Chancellor (circa 2008), poorly copied and dated 2005. Someone is now in a lot of trouble.
British Airways are at great pains to point out that they will hold me legally responsible if it turns out I get a date slightly wrong:
A student applies for a job with a hippy-hating security company:
Lastly, to entertain oneself during those long hours at work, why not hide in the loos until you hear some important people having a conversation outside,2 then flush, step out and with great deliberation place the CAUTION: Wet Floor sign outside. Take photos of their faces.
This is partly why I hate this bit of the job so much.
All the most productive meetings happen in corridors.
]]>Somehow I find myself lumbered with the impressively tedious task of providing references for students. It is a job that seems to have been tagged on to the role, more of a Well they've always done it, than it actually having any relevance to anything else I do. So I look up students, demand signatures, write brief unrevealing letters and palm as many off onto absent academics as I am allowed.
I don't do character assassinations, only dates and awards - I am only admin after all and can't be expected to know them all personally1. Usually this is all that's required, they are usually temp agencies. Occasionally there are some corkers. I receive a call from an agency, who are disappointed to learn that I have told them that a student has withdrawn after 2 years without getting anything. He essentially failed first year and didn't turn up for second year. But we have a certificate here, saying he got a 2:1 they assure me. Naturally I am interested to learn how someone manages to get a 2:1 when they failed after year 2, so I ask for a copy.
The 'certificate' is on headed paper, sure. It has our fancy certificate logo on it, certainly. There is a bit of formal wording saying that the Academic and Administrative Staff are please to commend the award of... (as if the admin staff care), which bears no resemblance whatsoever with any genuine certificates. The crowning glory of the forgery is the signature of our current Vice Chancellor (circa 2008), poorly copied and dated 2005. Someone is now in a lot of trouble.
British Airways are at great pains to point out that they will hold me legally responsible if it turns out I get a date slightly wrong:
A student applies for a job with a hippy-hating security company:
Lastly, to entertain oneself during those long hours at work, why not hide in the loos until you hear some important people having a conversation outside,2 then flush, step out and with great deliberation place the CAUTION: Wet Floor sign outside. Take photos of their faces.
This is partly why I hate this bit of the job so much.
All the most productive meetings happen in corridors.
I take a well-earned holiday during which I manage to finish off our dining room and paint the extension. It DOES count as a holiday, because I am not running around panicking and being at work until 9pm trying to get the little bastards’ results out on time.
That’s all over now.
I return to the usual piles of paper work and hundreds of emails inviting me to this retirement party and that pile of cakes in the kitchen. One of the good temps has moved out of my office and one of the bad temps has moved in. At least there will be plenty of entertainment as I slowly pick apart his misplaced confidence and try to teach him how human beings are supposed to behave.1
Towards the end, there are hysterics and tears and tempers soar. After we surface and realise that nobody actually died my boss says that she is very pleased with my efforts and that I have really borne out her confidence that I could do the job. Aww. So pleased in fact, that they are considering swapping me into doing enrollment in September because I’m so laid back about everything – there is no pay rise for this you understand, just a satisfied feeling that I (probably) won’t have to worry about resit exam boards.
The big boss tells me I should take up bell ringing, which is incidentally where she buggers off to on Thursday night while the rest of us scream bloody murder in her absence.2
Today I am required to produce a detailed statistical report3 on all the students we have had this year. How many were under five, black, blue green, you know the score. Normally this takes me about two weeks. Normally I’m not asked to do it when there are 50 employers screaming at me for references and 500 students after certificates and a nice stack of minutes to write. Normally I say it’ll take two weeks and then play on the internet.
That’s all over now, too.
I do it in one day. Next week, I will probably have to do it again, but I might just get away with it so I figure it’s worth the gamble.
Possibly “not like me”, but we are yet to see whether my job will ease off after the main exam rush.
I used to ring number four, in the days when I still believed and went to a churchy school. This is not something you should let slip to your freak boss in an attempt to stop her being so damn righteous.
A bunch of pretty tables with numbers in.
]]>
I take a well-earned holiday during which I manage to finish off our dining room and paint the extension. It DOES count as a holiday, because I am not running around panicking and being at work until 9pm trying to get the little bastards’ results out on time.
That’s all over now.
I return to the usual piles of paper work and hundreds of emails inviting me to this retirement party and that pile of cakes in the kitchen. One of the good temps has moved out of my office and one of the bad temps has moved in. At least there will be plenty of entertainment as I slowly pick apart his misplaced confidence and try to teach him how human beings are supposed to behave.1
Towards the end, there are hysterics and tears and tempers soar. After we surface and realise that nobody actually died my boss says that she is very pleased with my efforts and that I have really borne out her confidence that I could do the job. Aww. So pleased in fact, that they are considering swapping me into doing enrollment in September because I’m so laid back about everything – there is no pay rise for this you understand, just a satisfied feeling that I (probably) won’t have to worry about resit exam boards.
The big boss tells me I should take up bell ringing, which is incidentally where she buggers off to on Thursday night while the rest of us scream bloody murder in her absence.2
Today I am required to produce a detailed statistical report3 on all the students we have had this year. How many were under five, black, blue green, you know the score. Normally this takes me about two weeks. Normally I’m not asked to do it when there are 50 employers screaming at me for references and 500 students after certificates and a nice stack of minutes to write. Normally I say it’ll take two weeks and then play on the internet.
That’s all over now, too.
I do it in one day. Next week, I will probably have to do it again, but I might just get away with it so I figure it’s worth the gamble.
Possibly “not like me”, but we are yet to see whether my job will ease off after the main exam rush.
I used to ring number four, in the days when I still believed and went to a churchy school. This is not something you should let slip to your freak boss in an attempt to stop her being so damn righteous.
A bunch of pretty tables with numbers in.
]]>A Skyhttp://www.skipthebudgie.org/photos/sky2008-06-26T17:09:53-04:002008-06-26T17:09:53-04:00dash
]]>
]]>Exams Meetinghttp://www.skipthebudgie.org/faculty/exams_meeting2008-06-03T12:29:31-04:002008-06-20T06:09:32-04:00dashA complaint wings its way across the office. The foolish temp who was filling in before I took on my current job (see this story for more details) is still receiving emails and forwarding them to me. This is a Good Thing and yet it reminds us of what an insufferable idiot the man is, and how bitter and twisted people can become for no apparent reason. He isn't in the meeting this morning. He writes:
Due to some nonsensical management in the faculty I don't work for [them] any more, you need to talk to [dash] (who now has my old job) about this, if you can prise him away from Facebook and Module timetabling
So naturally I demand a Court Marshall, how dare he besmirch my Good Name? I am only on Facebook at lunchtimes these days!
Out of the kindness of my heart I visit an Exam Officers' Meeting, in which the exploits of our students over the recent exam period are celebrated. We have more incidents of insolence, cheating and mobile phone rings than ever before. Calculators are too clever these days and one of the invigilators is assaulted by a student who refuses to put his pen down when the exam is over. Students are caught in the toilets with crib sheets or on the phone and they are aggressive and upset when challenged.
Is it that cool to cheat so much? Are you so addicted to your iPods and mobile phones that you don't 'understand' when or why you're asked to switch them off? Yes, someone even hid his headphone wire inside one of his dreadlocks and his iPod inside a big hat! Are you really that selfish and or stupid?
I am 13. I am sitting a history exam about which I know nothing. I need a poo about half an hour in. Does the teacher let me go? You should have gone before he says as he puts me on Punishment Squad for distracting the other kids with my squirming. I swear my bowel could have ruptured and he would still have punished me. One of the other students writes the story of WWII as if it were a football match, with the countries being the players. Or so he claims.
The highest mark in the year is 17% and this is a Public School.
We suggest having a bucket of water by the door for your phones, or perhaps a magnetic field round the door that nukes them anyway. We suggest providing calculators so that no-one brings any of them Pocket PC thingies. We decide that it is cheating to have a scribe that speaks German for your German exam. We think that perhaps students should be taught bladder control, tie a knot in it for goodness sake, are you that pathetic?
Ah society, how we lament thee.
]]>A complaint wings its way across the office. The foolish temp who was filling in before I took on my current job (see this story for more details) is still receiving emails and forwarding them to me. This is a Good Thing and yet it reminds us of what an insufferable idiot the man is, and how bitter and twisted people can become for no apparent reason. He isn't in the meeting this morning. He writes:
Due to some nonsensical management in the faculty I don't work for [them] any more, you need to talk to [dash] (who now has my old job) about this, if you can prise him away from Facebook and Module timetabling
So naturally I demand a Court Marshall, how dare he besmirch my Good Name? I am only on Facebook at lunchtimes these days!
Out of the kindness of my heart I visit an Exam Officers' Meeting, in which the exploits of our students over the recent exam period are celebrated. We have more incidents of insolence, cheating and mobile phone rings than ever before. Calculators are too clever these days and one of the invigilators is assaulted by a student who refuses to put his pen down when the exam is over. Students are caught in the toilets with crib sheets or on the phone and they are aggressive and upset when challenged.
Is it that cool to cheat so much? Are you so addicted to your iPods and mobile phones that you don't 'understand' when or why you're asked to switch them off? Yes, someone even hid his headphone wire inside one of his dreadlocks and his iPod inside a big hat! Are you really that selfish and or stupid?
I am 13. I am sitting a history exam about which I know nothing. I need a poo about half an hour in. Does the teacher let me go? You should have gone before he says as he puts me on Punishment Squad for distracting the other kids with my squirming. I swear my bowel could have ruptured and he would still have punished me. One of the other students writes the story of WWII as if it were a football match, with the countries being the players. Or so he claims.
The highest mark in the year is 17% and this is a Public School.
We suggest having a bucket of water by the door for your phones, or perhaps a magnetic field round the door that nukes them anyway. We suggest providing calculators so that no-one brings any of them Pocket PC thingies. We decide that it is cheating to have a scribe that speaks German for your German exam. We think that perhaps students should be taught bladder control, tie a knot in it for goodness sake, are you that pathetic?
]]>Honestyhttp://www.skipthebudgie.org/holistic/honesty2008-04-16T10:20:14-04:002008-04-16T10:21:06-04:00dashWhilst wandering aimlessly around the faculty - well stocking up on stationary mainly - I get a whiff of the past. You know how sometimes a smell can throw you back and suddenly you're there, a little child with no responsibilities and life is all just play and sweets. This memory is of me riding my bike down to the village from my house near Boot in Eskdale, Cumbria to buy my weekly Twix and Beano.
So I'm transfixed in the corridor, with a fistful of timetables, watching this little blonde boy whistle his way (I used to whistle a lot) round the little country lanes on his chopper-bike, smelling the rich country smells and I can almost (but not quite) see the entire journey in my head.
When I get to the shop, I find that the price of the Beano has gone up and I can't afford to get the comic AND a Twix! What a dilemma for a ten year-old! Comic or sweets? Chocolate or funnies? Of course I do what every little boy would have done. I put the Twix in my pocket and buy the Beano.
I don't get away with it though. I am nearly out of the door when he calls me back, maybe it's my sweaty palms, the bright red face, the shifty eyes? He grabs my arm and starts shouting. Of course I turn to the next line of defence. He is on the verge of calling my parents - my dad's the vicar - how will THAT look? But he takes pity on me and confiscates the Twix and sends me on my way.
This is the same man who a few years later, pays me £2 an hour to spend my Saturday morning cleaning the mud of the walking boots that he hires to tourists. He doesn't mention the incident, yet it is chiselled into my brain.
I have never told anybody of my Twix-stealing shame - now you know what sort of a petty criminal I really am!
But I never steal again. Well I say never, I mean I pocket a couple of tapes in Virgin, but the Fear eventually stops me doing even that. I'm just not the sort of guy who gets away with it. Whenever I got pressured into taking part in Dorm Raids, or anything naughty at school, I ALWAYS got caught.
It is probably at this moment that I learn that I cannot lie. If you ever suspect me of hiding something, just ask me and I'll tell you right out. Don't trust me with any big secrets that other people will ask me about because I will tell them! Life is so much easier when you are upfront and honest though. People just don't know how to deal with it.
]]>Whilst wandering aimlessly around the faculty - well stocking up on stationary mainly - I get a whiff of the past. You know how sometimes a smell can throw you back and suddenly you're there, a little child with no responsibilities and life is all just play and sweets. This memory is of me riding my bike down to the village from my house near Boot in Eskdale, Cumbria to buy my weekly Twix and Beano.
So I'm transfixed in the corridor, with a fistful of timetables, watching this little blonde boy whistle his way (I used to whistle a lot) round the little country lanes on his chopper-bike, smelling the rich country smells and I can almost (but not quite) see the entire journey in my head.
When I get to the shop, I find that the price of the Beano has gone up and I can't afford to get the comic AND a Twix! What a dilemma for a ten year-old! Comic or sweets? Chocolate or funnies? Of course I do what every little boy would have done. I put the Twix in my pocket and buy the Beano.
I don't get away with it though. I am nearly out of the door when he calls me back, maybe it's my sweaty palms, the bright red face, the shifty eyes? He grabs my arm and starts shouting. Of course I turn to the next line of defence. He is on the verge of calling my parents - my dad's the vicar - how will THAT look? But he takes pity on me and confiscates the Twix and sends me on my way.
This is the same man who a few years later, pays me £2 an hour to spend my Saturday morning cleaning the mud of the walking boots that he hires to tourists. He doesn't mention the incident, yet it is chiselled into my brain.
I have never told anybody of my Twix-stealing shame - now you know what sort of a petty criminal I really am!
But I never steal again. Well I say never, I mean I pocket a couple of tapes in Virgin, but the Fear eventually stops me doing even that. I'm just not the sort of guy who gets away with it. Whenever I got pressured into taking part in Dorm Raids, or anything naughty at school, I ALWAYS got caught.
It is probably at this moment that I learn that I cannot lie. If you ever suspect me of hiding something, just ask me and I'll tell you right out. Don't trust me with any big secrets that other people will ask me about because I will tell them! Life is so much easier when you are upfront and honest though. People just don't know how to deal with it.
]]>Second Secondment: The Lowdownhttp://www.skipthebudgie.org/faculty/second_secondment_lowdown2008-04-14T10:55:51-04:002008-04-14T11:06:27-04:00dash
So after three long months, they finally stick their necks out and say that they'll pay me all the money they owe me. I am not yet past caring, but continue to announce to any that will listen that I WILL delete the timetable if they don't sort it out. Of course I am effectively doing three jobs now, so it would be an easy mistake to make, I could just pretend to be one of those people who just clicks away without reading anything (What did it say? - I don't know, I just clicked OK). There is a timeline of sorts:
March 2007: Secondment to timetabling to cover maternity leave.
January 2008: Receive slight payrise due to the Pay Equality Project. The extra money they are paying me is NOT increased to the higher grade. I complain. A lot.
March 2008: Get letter from Payroll saying that they're going to stop paying me and bump me back down to the lower grade. There are no apparent plans for the future, so they reluctantly give me a new secondment at the same (higher) grade after making me do an interview.
The Timetabler (1st secondment) comes back and says she is pregnant again and will be off in 5 months.
Everyone panics and they wonder whether they will be able to just leave me where I am and give the new job to someone else. At a lower grade, of course. I speculate loudly about how staying in the timetabling position would be a dead-end job and maybe I should just go elsewhere.
Big Boss panics and tries to force me to stay in 1st secondment at lower grade.
I start new secondment anyway, am promised the higher grade at the PROPER pay.
End of March: They really do stop paying me the higher grade and don't start my new salary either, which adds a couple of weeks to the £££ they owe me already.
Everyone is fighting Big Boss who insists I will do the timetable for the rest of my life because it is the most important job in the Faculty!
*waits*
Three months after the Pay Equality Project, I am assured that the backpay and my new salary will be incorporated into my April paycheck. I assure them that if it isn't, I will be camping out down there until it is damn well sorted out.
I receive the letter...
Several furious phone calls later I am given a full break-down of exactly what they are going to pay me. Finally...
So I started my new job last week. I have a week off beforehand of course, which is spent building an awesome desk designed by the GF, as well as sanding and painting and filling skips and other such DIY delights.
The TEMP who I am replacing has made few friends, many enemies and generally been quite a nuisance. He keeps copying me into emails saying things like just to let you know; I'm a temp and my time here is almost up (was a surprise to me too) and my replacement is one of the perm staff, [Dash], to whom I've copied this, and I'm in the midst of having my job taken away from me to a secondment post, which has been won by [Dash]. Just so YOU know, he was a TEMP and the TEMPORARY contract was only TEMPORARY while they found some PERMANENT sucker to take it over from him! ...And relax. There is much consternation about this chap's penchant for being far to generous with the truth, sending references back saying We are not willing to discuss this student in any way, when it isn't even his place to say anything. My first task is to untangle the mess and sort everything out, starting with the terrible state of the filing. Oh joy.
Much time has spent re-writing procedures and re-labelling everything so that it makes sense again. I manage to get the cleaners to actually clean my new office and it is all tidy and bearable after four days. For some reason the previous occupants refused to let the cleaners in because it wasn't safe or something. But I'm in charge now and my colleagues are impressed. They have spent the last month or so in fear, preferring to whisper behind each other's backs and avoid the issue.
I have been here for nearly four years now. So forgive me if I laugh when I receive such enlightening handover notes as:
Check Voicemail Daily
Check Pigeonholes regularly.
Chase job reference requests with the academics- I try to email them reminders at least once a week for anything outstanding, and attach a read receipt for each
Try to do filing of stuff (like conferments sheets) weekly as a minimum, otherwise it can turn into a daunting heap
Outstanding matters ...need to be thought about at least twice a week until they are rectified
Try to batch up tasks for the archive, it is a pain to go up there, do whatever needs doing, come back 15 minutes later and then find that a fax just received means going back up there... I had a day the other week when I went up five times....
Any of this strike you as being bleedin' obvious? No? The other person I am in charge of has some sort of social interaction disorder, which drives him to varying levels of extreme rudeness and uncomfortable friendliness. My Colleagues are hoping that I will sort him out as they are now afraid of him and we can't sack him because it would be like putting someone with special needs out on the street. So why am I here again?
This week I am on my own, back in charge and steadily going through the filing, and the computer, deleting all the horrors that my predecessor left behind and emailing everybody he was dealing with to tell them that everything is okay after all.
There is a huge meeting with our new Vice Chancellor, in which the predominant theme is the proposed rebranding of the University, along with the slogan "Better Together". After listening to the cries of horror and general consensus that this is a load of crap, he says Well at the end of the day, I'm the Vice Chancellor and this is what we're having, end of discussion.
Aha! We think, one of THOSE sorts of years.
]]>
So after three long months, they finally stick their necks out and say that they'll pay me all the money they owe me. I am not yet past caring, but continue to announce to any that will listen that I WILL delete the timetable if they don't sort it out. Of course I am effectively doing three jobs now, so it would be an easy mistake to make, I could just pretend to be one of those people who just clicks away without reading anything (What did it say? - I don't know, I just clicked OK). There is a timeline of sorts:
March 2007: Secondment to timetabling to cover maternity leave.
January 2008: Receive slight payrise due to the Pay Equality Project. The extra money they are paying me is NOT increased to the higher grade. I complain. A lot.
March 2008: Get letter from Payroll saying that they're going to stop paying me and bump me back down to the lower grade. There are no apparent plans for the future, so they reluctantly give me a new secondment at the same (higher) grade after making me do an interview.
The Timetabler (1st secondment) comes back and says she is pregnant again and will be off in 5 months.
Everyone panics and they wonder whether they will be able to just leave me where I am and give the new job to someone else. At a lower grade, of course. I speculate loudly about how staying in the timetabling position would be a dead-end job and maybe I should just go elsewhere.
Big Boss panics and tries to force me to stay in 1st secondment at lower grade.
I start new secondment anyway, am promised the higher grade at the PROPER pay.
End of March: They really do stop paying me the higher grade and don't start my new salary either, which adds a couple of weeks to the £££ they owe me already.
Everyone is fighting Big Boss who insists I will do the timetable for the rest of my life because it is the most important job in the Faculty!
*waits*
Three months after the Pay Equality Project, I am assured that the backpay and my new salary will be incorporated into my April paycheck. I assure them that if it isn't, I will be camping out down there until it is damn well sorted out.
I receive the letter...
Several furious phone calls later I am given a full break-down of exactly what they are going to pay me. Finally...
So I started my new job last week. I have a week off beforehand of course, which is spent building an awesome desk designed by the GF, as well as sanding and painting and filling skips and other such DIY delights.
The TEMP who I am replacing has made few friends, many enemies and generally been quite a nuisance. He keeps copying me into emails saying things like just to let you know; I'm a temp and my time here is almost up (was a surprise to me too) and my replacement is one of the perm staff, [Dash], to whom I've copied this, and I'm in the midst of having my job taken away from me to a secondment post, which has been won by [Dash]. Just so YOU know, he was a TEMP and the TEMPORARY contract was only TEMPORARY while they found some PERMANENT sucker to take it over from him! ...And relax. There is much consternation about this chap's penchant for being far to generous with the truth, sending references back saying We are not willing to discuss this student in any way, when it isn't even his place to say anything. My first task is to untangle the mess and sort everything out, starting with the terrible state of the filing. Oh joy.
Much time has spent re-writing procedures and re-labelling everything so that it makes sense again. I manage to get the cleaners to actually clean my new office and it is all tidy and bearable after four days. For some reason the previous occupants refused to let the cleaners in because it wasn't safe or something. But I'm in charge now and my colleagues are impressed. They have spent the last month or so in fear, preferring to whisper behind each other's backs and avoid the issue.
I have been here for nearly four years now. So forgive me if I laugh when I receive such enlightening handover notes as:
Check Voicemail Daily
Check Pigeonholes regularly.
Chase job reference requests with the academics- I try to email them reminders at least once a week for anything outstanding, and attach a read receipt for each
Try to do filing of stuff (like conferments sheets) weekly as a minimum, otherwise it can turn into a daunting heap
Outstanding matters ...need to be thought about at least twice a week until they are rectified
Try to batch up tasks for the archive, it is a pain to go up there, do whatever needs doing, come back 15 minutes later and then find that a fax just received means going back up there... I had a day the other week when I went up five times....
Any of this strike you as being bleedin' obvious? No? The other person I am in charge of has some sort of social interaction disorder, which drives him to varying levels of extreme rudeness and uncomfortable friendliness. My Colleagues are hoping that I will sort him out as they are now afraid of him and we can't sack him because it would be like putting someone with special needs out on the street. So why am I here again?
This week I am on my own, back in charge and steadily going through the filing, and the computer, deleting all the horrors that my predecessor left behind and emailing everybody he was dealing with to tell them that everything is okay after all.
There is a huge meeting with our new Vice Chancellor, in which the predominant theme is the proposed rebranding of the University, along with the slogan "Better Together". After listening to the cries of horror and general consensus that this is a load of crap, he says Well at the end of the day, I'm the Vice Chancellor and this is what we're having, end of discussion.
Aha! We think, one of THOSE sorts of years.
]]>
Friday Music 11-04-08http://www.skipthebudgie.org/reviews/friday_music_11_04_082008-04-11T10:18:04-04:002008-04-11T10:26:50-04:00adminThere has been a sudden glut of new albums in the last few weeks, from some pretty big names too. REM, Supergrass, Elbow, Goldfrapp, Portishead, Massive Attack - even Tricky have all thrown new wares out there and they are a mixed bag, to tell you the truth! This week:
So the giants are back and this time they've turned the volume up a bit. Not as raw as Monster, more rocky than Automatic, but better than their other recent efforts. This album grows on you as a welcome return to form with the lush layered guitars and ethereal backing vocals and odd choruses.
For sure, I'm a little bit upset about the simplicity of some of the three-chord wonders, the single Supernatural Superserious is a clear example of this, and they still can't write choruses but there is energy and life in the music again.
Yes, this is an obviously calculated attempt to recapture the glory days, but I'm actually pleased about that, more so than I am about Portishead's new direction (see next week). It's just too damn short!
It's a perfect soundtrack to the horrendous rain that it drumming down my office window, Elbow are melancholy and beautiful and upbeat all in the same moment, in the same song. I love this album. Asleep in the Back was brilliant, an album of songs that I wish I had written, Cast of Thousands was very 50/50, the gorgeous songs interspersed with over-simplified terrace chants which peak with the album closer, Grace Under Pressure. Even if I AM singing on it along with five thousand other people.
This time the good songs - the atmospheric opener Starlings, the great bass line of Bones Of You the beautiful piano in Mirrorball, the comedy of Audience with the Pope - far outweigh the slightly annoying ones, like Grounds for Divorce with it's stupid terrace chant and irritating guitars. Overall though, this album is a masterpiece with a lot of variety and quirkiness, while still sounding intrinsically Elbow. One to sing along to in the shower.
]]>There has been a sudden glut of new albums in the last few weeks, from some pretty big names too. REM, Supergrass, Elbow, Goldfrapp, Portishead, Massive Attack - even Tricky have all thrown new wares out there and they are a mixed bag, to tell you the truth! This week:
So the giants are back and this time they've turned the volume up a bit. Not as raw as Monster, more rocky than Automatic, but better than their other recent efforts. This album grows on you as a welcome return to form with the lush layered guitars and ethereal backing vocals and odd choruses.
For sure, I'm a little bit upset about the simplicity of some of the three-chord wonders, the single Supernatural Superserious is a clear example of this, and they still can't write choruses but there is energy and life in the music again.
Yes, this is an obviously calculated attempt to recapture the glory days, but I'm actually pleased about that, more so than I am about Portishead's new direction (see next week). It's just too damn short!
It's a perfect soundtrack to the horrendous rain that it drumming down my office window, Elbow are melancholy and beautiful and upbeat all in the same moment, in the same song. I love this album. Asleep in the Back was brilliant, an album of songs that I wish I had written, Cast of Thousands was very 50/50, the gorgeous songs interspersed with over-simplified terrace chants which peak with the album closer, Grace Under Pressure. Even if I AM singing on it along with five thousand other people.
This time the good songs - the atmospheric opener Starlings, the great bass line of Bones Of You the beautiful piano in Mirrorball, the comedy of Audience with the Pope - far outweigh the slightly annoying ones, like Grounds for Divorce with it's stupid terrace chant and irritating guitars. Overall though, this album is a masterpiece with a lot of variety and quirkiness, while still sounding intrinsically Elbow. One to sing along to in the shower.
]]>The Lifthttp://www.skipthebudgie.org/melody/lift2008-04-09T06:40:27-04:002008-04-09T06:40:27-04:00dash"Push the button," said the Kaiser as we waited by the lift,
His mustaches bristled madly and his Pickelhaube glistened,
"It won't come any faster," I declared with irritation,
But he furiously struck it with a snort of indignation.
The lift, when it materialised, was jam-packed full of bodies,
A troupe of Grecian acrobats monopolised the floorspace,
The Kaiser was distressed by all of the adjacent Greeks,
But was convinced another lift might not arrive for several weeks.
"Mein Gott, ich bin das Kaiser!" he was heard to mutter testily,
And many were the curses that erupted from his lips,
He roughly shouldered in to the now-straining elevator,
I smiled and demurred and said I'll catch one a bit later.
The motors strained and juddered at the unfamiliar heft,
And cables twanged like dulcimers as slowly doors were closed,
I do not think Kaiser Wilhelm had thought though the implications,
Of sharing his compartment with near half the Grecian nation.
Inevitably hawsers snapped and girders failed and bent,
The Kaiser's weight had pushed the straining lift over the limit,
And as the screaming faded as the screamers fell away,
I smiled ruefully and thought, "I'll take the stairs today".
]]>"Push the button," said the Kaiser as we waited by the lift,
His mustaches bristled madly and his Pickelhaube glistened,
"It won't come any faster," I declared with irritation,
But he furiously struck it with a snort of indignation.
The lift, when it materialised, was jam-packed full of bodies,
A troupe of Grecian acrobats monopolised the floorspace,
The Kaiser was distressed by all of the adjacent Greeks,
But was convinced another lift might not arrive for several weeks.
"Mein Gott, ich bin das Kaiser!" he was heard to mutter testily,
And many were the curses that erupted from his lips,
He roughly shouldered in to the now-straining elevator,
I smiled and demurred and said I'll catch one a bit later.
The motors strained and juddered at the unfamiliar heft,
And cables twanged like dulcimers as slowly doors were closed,
I do not think Kaiser Wilhelm had thought though the implications,
Of sharing his compartment with near half the Grecian nation.
Inevitably hawsers snapped and girders failed and bent,
The Kaiser's weight had pushed the straining lift over the limit,
And as the screaming faded as the screamers fell away,
I smiled ruefully and thought, "I'll take the stairs today".
]]>93 of 366http://www.skipthebudgie.org/photos/92_3662008-04-05T12:54:57-04:002008-05-28T09:16:12-04:00admin
This is what is known as 'Ikea-hacking' or butchering your crappy old Ikea desk to make something awesome. My old desk provides the infrastructure, the backbone if you will. All the wood you can see is from Wickes.
The Design came from the GF's head, I just did what I'm told, you know - drill this, saw that - and of course provide helpful tips and commentary!
This is what I do on my holidays, exciting huh? We have also been stripping walls, plastering and generally making a mess, I mean getting on with things. Next weekend : Sanding The Floors!
]]>
This is what is known as 'Ikea-hacking' or butchering your crappy old Ikea desk to make something awesome. My old desk provides the infrastructure, the backbone if you will. All the wood you can see is from Wickes.
The Design came from the GF's head, I just did what I'm told, you know - drill this, saw that - and of course provide helpful tips and commentary!
This is what I do on my holidays, exciting huh? We have also been stripping walls, plastering and generally making a mess, I mean getting on with things. Next weekend : Sanding The Floors!
Still, I think the CC license I used doesn't require them to, just to acknowledge me, which they do: ody-see.com/acknowledgements.html
Ah well, this is why I changed it all to be CC NON Commercial Share-Alike, and it is sort of flattering really, but I'm a little upset that they didn't tell me, especially as they're going to be making money off it - it's only polite isn't it?
]]>
Sometimes It's worth trawling the net to see where you are being used!
Just discovered that this photo has been used in a board game! Nice of them to TELL me, huh?
Still, I think the CC license I used doesn't require them to, just to acknowledge me, which they do: ody-see.com/acknowledgements.html
Ah well, this is why I changed it all to be CC NON Commercial Share-Alike, and it is sort of flattering really, but I'm a little upset that they didn't tell me, especially as they're going to be making money off it - it's only polite isn't it?
]]>Friday Music 14-03-08http://www.skipthebudgie.org/reviews/friday_music_14_03_082008-03-14T05:55:08-04:002008-04-03T10:49:05-04:00dashWhile 'repairing' my mother's computer, I find some cool links to stuff on Youtube. So here we go, from the Bodhran Championships:
]]>While 'repairing' my mother's computer, I find some cool links to stuff on Youtube. So here we go, from the Bodhran Championships:
]]>New Job, Call Me Sirhttp://www.skipthebudgie.org/faculty/new_job_call_me_sir2008-03-13T08:46:31-04:002008-03-13T08:48:03-04:00dashMarch 12th 2008. After much negotiating, worry and stress I attend an informal interview. It isn't really supposed to be an interview at all, but in the spirit of healthy competition I am summoned for a 'chat'. I spot my rival leaving as I wait sweaty-palmed for the interrogation. She is young and pretty and while it would be nice to have more of that sort of thing in the office,1 I have to keep my eye on the prize. I meditate.
It is pretty awful, actually. I am interviewed by my two current bosses and one outsider. I have to pretend they are strangers, sell myself, be the best I can be. I stumble over basic things like Why do you want this job?, forget to mention important things like which software I use and instead I talk about Glastonbury and Bosnia2 and drunk hippies. It turns out that that is what swings things in my favour, working on large scale events, not going to pieces in a crisis, that sort of thing.
Long story short, it's bye bye timetables and hello exams.
I will have two minions to do my bidding, will be second in command - inasmuch as anyone has any command round here - and will obviously be taking with me all the other crap that I've always done that nobody else wants to do. I will be in charge of the exam timetable, exam boards and graduation.
My first point of order is to relabel all the folders that the current incumbent temp, dubbed Dangerous Dave, in order to distinguish him from me, Safe Dave. I have been trying to have this changed to no avail, perhaps I can be Dangerous Dave once the temp has gone and I've cleaned up his mess. Dangerous as in Bad as in Good.
My second job will be to clean up the damage he has caused in his brief tenancy of the job, recalling emails, fixing things. After that I have to keep the remaining recalcitrant fellow in check, who is so rude that my boss refuses to talk to him because he makes her so angry.
Hello Middle Management, it's draughty up here.
I'm joking! I'm joking! please Monkey, don't make me eat in the cold!
THIS exciting story will appear on Skip The Budgie when I can be arsed to type it out again. And when I get hold of a negative scanner again.
]]>March 12th 2008. After much negotiating, worry and stress I attend an informal interview. It isn't really supposed to be an interview at all, but in the spirit of healthy competition I am summoned for a 'chat'. I spot my rival leaving as I wait sweaty-palmed for the interrogation. She is young and pretty and while it would be nice to have more of that sort of thing in the office,1 I have to keep my eye on the prize. I meditate.
It is pretty awful, actually. I am interviewed by my two current bosses and one outsider. I have to pretend they are strangers, sell myself, be the best I can be. I stumble over basic things like Why do you want this job?, forget to mention important things like which software I use and instead I talk about Glastonbury and Bosnia2 and drunk hippies. It turns out that that is what swings things in my favour, working on large scale events, not going to pieces in a crisis, that sort of thing.
Long story short, it's bye bye timetables and hello exams.
I will have two minions to do my bidding, will be second in command - inasmuch as anyone has any command round here - and will obviously be taking with me all the other crap that I've always done that nobody else wants to do. I will be in charge of the exam timetable, exam boards and graduation.
My first point of order is to relabel all the folders that the current incumbent temp, dubbed Dangerous Dave, in order to distinguish him from me, Safe Dave. I have been trying to have this changed to no avail, perhaps I can be Dangerous Dave once the temp has gone and I've cleaned up his mess. Dangerous as in Bad as in Good.
My second job will be to clean up the damage he has caused in his brief tenancy of the job, recalling emails, fixing things. After that I have to keep the remaining recalcitrant fellow in check, who is so rude that my boss refuses to talk to him because he makes her so angry.
Hello Middle Management, it's draughty up here.
I'm joking! I'm joking! please Monkey, don't make me eat in the cold!
THIS exciting story will appear on Skip The Budgie when I can be arsed to type it out again. And when I get hold of a negative scanner again.
Oh, would you like me to go in the other room? I say, as I appear to have stumbled in on some timetable moaning. Oh no, they say, we're just talking about that thing, you know - with they guy Obviously I'm not going to name names on the internet.
Well you see, this guy successfully convinces everyone that everyone else has said it's okay and after all, who am I to argue? I tell him that one student won't be able to make it. Fsck them, he says. SO I put the wheels in motion and then the course leader turns up and enquires as to why all the students are complaining that their lecture has been moved. Now I'm not supposed to let people move around, but they wouldn't come to me if it wasn't important right? WRONG.
So the big boss comes to see me. She is very upset. She says I should have told her, that it is unacceptable, that if I do it again she will tell me IN WRITING (I don't know, by email or something?) and I am to put everything back how it was.
So here they are in the staff room, whining and moaning about the timetable, about the fact that I allowed someone to move a lecture, that I had the audacity to make changes without consulting them, that I...
The reality of course, is that after they all came and shouted at me they have now decided that this guy is Nasty Nick from Big Brother and has been playing everyone off against each other. Like I have the time for this. I'm too busy writing a mini essay on why I want the new secondment that has come up in the office. Everone wants me to get it so I'm convinced that I won't.
We all receive an email:
Once upon a time there was a kingdom called 2Q25. This was a magical kingdom because every week it was visited by the desk fairy who rearranged all the desks into pretty patterns. Every week the grumpy troll, (me, actually) came along and rearranged all the desks back again into boring rows, so that he could inhabit the kingdom of 2Q25 again. This happened for what seemed like ages. One day the grumpy troll will get hold of the desk fairy, who will then have to go to fairy hospital to have their wand surgically extracted!!
Another member of staff comes to see me and says that he is quite offended by it and has complained to the highest authority. I tell him to stop being such a whiny hippy and laugh at the funny joke. I wonder who it is who leaves the room in such a mess? Hmmm.
]]>
Oh, would you like me to go in the other room? I say, as I appear to have stumbled in on some timetable moaning. Oh no, they say, we're just talking about that thing, you know - with they guy Obviously I'm not going to name names on the internet.
Well you see, this guy successfully convinces everyone that everyone else has said it's okay and after all, who am I to argue? I tell him that one student won't be able to make it. Fsck them, he says. SO I put the wheels in motion and then the course leader turns up and enquires as to why all the students are complaining that their lecture has been moved. Now I'm not supposed to let people move around, but they wouldn't come to me if it wasn't important right? WRONG.
So the big boss comes to see me. She is very upset. She says I should have told her, that it is unacceptable, that if I do it again she will tell me IN WRITING (I don't know, by email or something?) and I am to put everything back how it was.
So here they are in the staff room, whining and moaning about the timetable, about the fact that I allowed someone to move a lecture, that I had the audacity to make changes without consulting them, that I...
The reality of course, is that after they all came and shouted at me they have now decided that this guy is Nasty Nick from Big Brother and has been playing everyone off against each other. Like I have the time for this. I'm too busy writing a mini essay on why I want the new secondment that has come up in the office. Everone wants me to get it so I'm convinced that I won't.
We all receive an email:
Once upon a time there was a kingdom called 2Q25. This was a magical kingdom because every week it was visited by the desk fairy who rearranged all the desks into pretty patterns. Every week the grumpy troll, (me, actually) came along and rearranged all the desks back again into boring rows, so that he could inhabit the kingdom of 2Q25 again. This happened for what seemed like ages. One day the grumpy troll will get hold of the desk fairy, who will then have to go to fairy hospital to have their wand surgically extracted!!
Another member of staff comes to see me and says that he is quite offended by it and has complained to the highest authority. I tell him to stop being such a whiny hippy and laugh at the funny joke. I wonder who it is who leaves the room in such a mess? Hmmm.
