Saturday 1st February

Happy February!

England 41, Scotland 13! I'm so glad Yesu's got cable!

Monday 3rd February

What a fantastic week it's been! We went to Madurai, got some money for February and had a superb slap-up meal at the Pandyan. We popped in to see Rev and Aunty Fenn so that I could give him my 'final' plans for our Round Trip. The Plan is excellent, I only hope it turns out that way. The Pastor will send us a load of addresses so that we can write to people in advance. We'll go to Cumbum for a few days, then have a holiday in Cochin, Kerala, then go on the Round Trip proper.

He (Pastor Fenn) told us lots of Interesting and Useful stories about his own experience travelling around India. Tales of folks who slash your bag / pockets open, nick your stuff and jump off the train, people who steal everything while you're asleep and gangs who split you up so your attention is on your companion rather than your bag and money. guess we'll have to be quite careful, then.

...

We found a Western music shop! It was quite up to date as well, with albums from 1996 - all costing Rs75 (about £1.20!). We couldn't find any mushrooms or baked beans though. I think if someone from home saw how much we crave Western food they'd probably be disappointed in us. I'm not sure how far we're supposed to take our experience of the food. If it didn't have so much coriander and chilli in it I think we'd eat a lot more. I know JP was secretly shocked that we have Wheat Flakes for breakfast and boiled vegetables for lunch as opposed to his Dosai and tiffin. But look what happened to his bowels!

Because we usually have tiffin in the evenings I do tend to have one 'loose movement' a day, but the Wheat Flakes make sure it doesn't last. I'm always hungry though, I think it's because we don't eat much bread. Most of the food we have - visiting people we've just met - is horrible, but Juliet's is superb.

Last night's dinner with (the gorgeous) Miss Shanti was such a feast! Chicken masala (which was NICE for a change!), potato korma, egg masala, omelette, burri and dosai. we had cucumber, oranges, apple, bananas and cherries for pudding! To top the evening off, Errol Flynn was on the telly in Robin Hood. A marvellous escapist moment, we quite forgot we were in India!

...

Going back to Madurai, someone on the bus asked me what I thought of India and I said it was 'very fine' (standard answer). He said Don't tell 'fine', it's a useless bloody country! Full of corruption and taken over by films. He said if a teenager has 10 Rupees, 5 goes on the cinema, two on cigarettes and three for food and sweets. He didn't think this was an appropriate way of spending your money. But he asked if people would help him if he went to England, like everyone does to us here and the answer was probably not.

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We went with Rev Jothinayagam to his churches yesterday. The first was a small village church, only eight years old. Right opposite is a Hindu temple and the Rev said that there's a lot of competition with the Hindus ringing their bell when a service is on and things. The service was very free and haphazard, hymns and choruses punctuating the Tamil frequently.

Two men gave testimonies, one of whom was recovering from a heart attack so I guess his was about still being alive. both men sang songs and even though we couldn't understand what they were saying - the obvious emotion made the message pretty clear. The Rev got us to introduce ourselves and we answered questions about Christianity in England and our home church. I hope we didn't make it sound too bad! The songs were lively and the Rev kept putting English bits in so we knew where we were.

We went on to the treasurer's house while Jothi (the Rev) went to the refugee camp. We weren't allowed to go with him because he'd had a heated argument with the 'Camp commandant' (or something) when he tried to take JP there on Wednesday. JP has gone back to Madurai now, pending his move to Tirunelveli. Anyway, we watched Star TV's Top Ten Films, had some vile dosai-cum-idly's and went to the bridge to Rameswaram¹.

There we watched the fish, fishermen and wasted time for a bit. We saw a mother dolphin with her babies and some flying fish - lots of great photos but I'd left my camera behind in one of my clever flashes of uninspiration. After a while, we moved on to Jothi's 'head office', a an unfinished church in the town / village of Pamban. The town was hit by a cyclone about five years ago and the church was destroyed. With very little funding and no help from the diocese, Rev Jothi has gradually rebuilt the church.

At the moment the walls and ceiling are finished, but need to be plastered and it could do with a floor, some doors and power. He's spent about four lakh (Rs400,000) on it so far, reckons he needs another two to finish and wants money from our churches.

He took us to another village, to show us how poor his congregations are. Living in tiny palm-leaf houses, the fishermen spend their days on borrowed boats, while their wives stay at home and do very little. To try and stir up compassion, or to 'show us how it is', he took us to meet some sick people who can't afford treatment. A woman who is paralysed down one side, a blind man who was told it would cost Rs1500 for an operation and a woman with cancer. I felt very uncomfortable, sitting there while he told us about their misfortunes. It was much better when people invited us into their homes rather than walking in just to look, smile sympathetically, then leave.

The Rev does do an incredible amount, with nine churches in the poorest areas. His congregation can't afford to give him money and the bishop doesn't like him because he's a Hindu convert. So if the bishop won't let him ask agencies for money, where can he get it from? His own pocket, that's where. And us, he hopes.

He's quite critical of Veerambal and the way they describe themselves as Dalits. For him, Dalit means poor and uneducated and Veerambal is neither of these compared to his villages. Most people in Veerambal have degrees and have been overseas, apparently. I don't think he likes Rev Athisayam much either. Jothi is the senior pastor here and Athisayam gets all the important jobs. Even the pastor from Veerambal is Correspondent for the boys hostel here. Jothi says he is being punished by the bishop and the next step will be for him to be posted to Shri Lanka.

...

It was a good day though and he wants us to go back with our cameras so the folks at home will 'believe' us! Not sure I approve, but he's quite desperate for money although his jolly personality hides it. I think second-hand clothes and stuff will be a much safer option.

Wednesday 5th February

It's beginning to get quite insufferably hot now, I think I might be forced to invest in some more dhotis and shirts. I went round the bazaar with my camera yesterday, and got some great photos. I'm going to get copies made for all the nice people. I was a bit apprehensive at first, but as soon as they saw my camera, everyone wanted a picture! There was an auto driver who followed me down and kept asking if I'd bought anything. He came and told me that people were laughing at me, but I think he was just being annoying.

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I was quite cross with Yesu this morning, because none of the boys turned up for assembly. I'd gone to school with him, so he knew it was on. Only three of them turned up this afternoon as well but it is optional so I'm not that fussed.

...

We were invited to someone's house-warming do at lunchtime - one of Yesu's friends, a boy called Princely. They've just finished building it and will probably have to build another in twenty year's time! The house next door was much more innovative, full of arches and oddly-shaped rooms. They haven't started covering the walls in plaster / concrete yet so it looks quite good. The roof is concrete, sloping and they'll cover it in tiles to look 'authentic'. Most of the houses look modern, with their original designs and 'multi-storey carpark' look. Because everyone designs and builds their own home, every house is different, which is great.

Friday 7th February

Yesu's father is disturbed.

Yesu says it's a curse put on him by his family because they were against his marriage. We doubt this very much. He has a problem with his temper and Yesu's mum puts things in his food to calm him down. The HM told us that everyone is scared of him because he has these outbursts and will say a lot of Bad Things. He also gets quite violent and had a go at Yesu about coming to Kodaikanal with us tomorrow.

The Kodaikanal plan has been quite interesting - we were going to go with Juliet and the HM but Juliet's not coming so the HM isn't coming. then we were going with yesu and jerry but after Yesu's dad said he couldn't come we weren't going at all. but after telling the HM (she's arranged everything with her brother there) and deciding to have a lie-in and go to the beach instead, yesu's dad decided he could come after all. So we're going tomorrow morning and coming back Sunday. hopefully it will be a good change of climate - Jerry's bringing his sweaters!

Juliet told me she's been getting quite a lot of hassle for being our friend yesterday. So she's stopped soming to the hostel because the neighbours are talking. It's terrible, a married woman (with children) not being allowed to be friends with us. Society's to blame for this one. Miss Shanti said she was being teased as well. We've only got three weeks left for goodness' sake.

Miss Shanti took me out of choir today to see if I was alright! Apparently I look very sad and she thinks I'm hiding something. She kept saying don't lie and looked so worried and concerned. C.'s fallen for her too but she's mine! I tell you! All mine!

Monday 10th February

An oasis in the heat of Ramnad, our trip to Kodaikanal was a welcome break. We got there at three-thirty on Saturday. It's two thousand metres above sea-level so the temperature was about 19 degrees instead of 35! The journey was terrifying, the road only just hugging the sides of the mountains, winding round on an incredibly long trip to the top. Every time we went round a corner you lost sight of the road and could only see the thousand-foot drop. I spent most of the journey with my eyes closed but when I did look, the view was breathtaking. Near the top, it started to resemble some parts of say, North Wales and was so similar to home it wasn't like India at all.

Jerry's uncle met us in 'Kody' and sent us off to catch some lunch while he waited for us. Yesu confidently took us (protesting) in search of a restaurant and eventually we ignored him and went to the next one we came to. When we got back to our room, Jerry's uncle had gone so we went for a wander round the beautiful lake.

We did a lot of waiting around when the man with the key to the room with our bags in had disappeared, we had to break in in the end! We went to Jerry's uncle's house and had some South Indian chicken masala (I got the heart and the brain!). We had to share beds - I got Yesu, who couldn't sleep and kept the rest of us awake all night.

Kodaikanal (which means 'Summer Scene' by the way) is a beautiful place and it's actually cold! It was so weird feeling cold again. There is an International School there, so you see a lot of foreigners around. Whenever we passed some, Yesu asked us which country they were from. He wants to know what we've got against Americans, and couldn't understand why they make us cringe so much.¹

It's a very touristy place, like Lake Windermere or Bowness in the summer and was full of Indian tourists as well as others. We had some baked beans (!), tuna (!), cheese spread (!!) and cheese (!!!).

Yesterday we went bike-riding with Jerry's uncle's son as our guide (a little terror and a half). We went to the park and didn't meet up with Jerry's uncle because he waited at the room and we waited by the boats. The Terror didn't want to go boating, so Jerry and Yesu went while C., Terror and myself went to sample the pizza (not so good). The morning was spent waiting around until we all met up again for lunch. Then the mist came down and the spectacular views Jerry's uncle had lined up for us were a bit less spectacular. Then we came back to Ramnad.

Now you might say that sixteen hours on uncomfortable buses is a lot to pay for one night of cold but it was wonderful! Even if it was full of tourists.

Wednesday 12th February

Major Stress! I've had enough of Monopoly now, it's turned into an India vs. England match where everyone talks in Tamil and I just fill in the turns and rake in the money. I got so angry and upset today because Yesu and Jerry were giggling away and having a great time - in Tamil. I just can't join in and went a bit spare about it, especially when Yesu decided to taunt me about it being only a game. he's got absolutely no idea of tact or anything and it drives us mad.¹ Our friendship is in serious jeopardy at the moment because it's turning into a game where Yesu winds us up then runs away, like the kids do with that horrible watchman.

What we used to like about him was the fact that he could be relatively serious and seemed to understand us. Now he just takes the piss all the time and is really silly when we are trying to be serious. He does it with C. too, copying him until he's bored and C. is on the verge of madness. He just doesn't know when to stop and loves it because we get so frustrated. I wish we could get around it, but he just keeps on at you.

Anyway, he's really upset because I got pretty angry and I hope it's knocked some sense into him (I didn't hit him by the way, but I was this close...). It just adds to the fun for him but what can I do? It all built up as well, I've played games with them just about every day because I don't want to seem aloof and lost in work like C. always is. It all gets a bit much when you can't join in and winning seems selfish, because everyone unites against you.

It's only a game!

...

I'll be so glad to get away from all of this pressure on joining in and being 'conventional'. It'll be good to have no pressure and be able to speak English without everyone going Tamil Terium, ah?² I think that now we know how to act, who to show respect to, how to eat with our hands etc it's even worse when our friends don't.³ It's still like we've just arrived - is this chair okay? Are you hot? Are you sure you don't mind [eating off] banana leaves? and not, So what have you learned after four months in India?

But I know I show the same disinterest in England when I meet foreigners at home. I've never once asked the Africans who come to Sedgley⁴ about their culture shock and their countries. At least when we're travelling we'll be mainly tourists.

...

We had pancakes today and went to church for the Ash Wednesday service. Miss Shanti came to my choir with Miss Snofia and Juliet and stayed behind to sing some other songs I gave her. She asked us out for dinner on Sunday and for photos. She'll have to get permission off her father first! What an angel...

Thursday 13th February

It was my turn to write the worship for tonight, I did 'God's protection and Guidance'. We had our biggest turnout yet, the HM came with Jerry and her sister and brother-in-law. The correspondent asked (in jest) if we could have prayer everyday! It wasn't serious, but it touched our hearts.

Yesu has avoided us all day and we made up with him tonight (well I did - C. didn't need to). He's still a bit apprehensive and I don't blame him but as long as he's learned that we're not here for him to mock all the time I don't mind so much.

I played the guitar too much today - my fingers are all blistered.

I went to take some pictures of the paintings in the Hindu temple this morning and it was closed, but I met these really interesting brothers who gave me coffee. One of them had an Iron Maiden tape! I was well surprised. They want me to go back, so they can practice their English (there's three of them by the way) and said they'd take me round the temple as well. It's a bit late to be making new friends now, but every contact is special and maybe I can give them some of my tapes because no-one else will want them!

Friday 14th February

No cards then - don't apologise, it's just what would happen.

At last, after four days of wearing the same clothes, the dhobi (whom I entrusted with my threads on Tuesday) has brought me my stuff back, nicely washed and ironed! I really shouldn't leave it so late. It beats the hell out of washing them yourself, mind.¹

(The Angelic) Miss Shanti came to choir again on Monday and waited after because she wanted to learn another one of the songs we did in worship yesterday.² So I serenaded her on my instrument and we talked into the night (well afternoon!). She asked about my family and I said I am very lucky to have the freedom they give me to do, as well as to speak. She would never talk to her father, because he is so imposing, but he does everything for her. But she also said that we have too much freedom, mainly in relationships: AIDS came from your countries (!) We talked about Boys and Girls: Boys don't talk to girls but they're always thinking about them! and this led on to they way we talk to the teachers and how she is being teased for talking to us. Who else are we supposed to talk to in a school where all the teachers are women? it would have been better is more of them had made the effort. But it's a cultural thing... But she's decided to throw caution to the wind and talk to us anyway, after all we've only got two weeks left.

She asked as we left (all alone and the school was all locked up - I hope no-one saw us!) if I read my Bible everyday. What a question! I can't lie to such a beautiful creature and admitted to the truth. I feel like such a sinner, but how spiritual am I supposed to be? like dodgy Johnson, the Holy Spirit movement evangelist, who put his hands on my shoulders, looked long and hard into my eyes and said that the Lord is anointing me to be ready to receive the Spirit and join the Charismatic Group. Bollocks.

I'm just no intae that as Irvin Welsh would say. I'm more 'Christian' than some people, I told her (back to Miss Shanti again) but less than the Indians. But I thought you were full of religion! she protested. Sorry to disappoint. I know I should be, I should pray more, I should read my bible more, but it doesn't work out like that. I 'praise' with my music and it's all I want to do. More music than praying as well. Jesus is everything in your average Indian Christian's life. But not mine, not really.

She asked me not to leave, as well. But what else can we do? There'll be nothing for us to do here. I'd stay until after May if dad wasn't going on Sabbatical to Africa so soon. I think that to really work in the schools here you'd have to come at the beginning of the academic year, ie June, and stay until March. That way you see them through the whole year. Or even better, plan more and arrive earlier! I don't want to leave Miss Shanti and Juliet, The HM, Jerry, Yesu and Kumar either.

Tuesday 18th February

It was C.'s birthday yesterday and although he kept saying he was going to be miserable I think he enjoyed it. Not like an English birthday though - people kept demanding cake! It's an Indian custom to give out cake and sweets on your birthday - a tradition that the Indian Express has taken a step further by encouraging young readers to have feasts for poor, homeless and disabled children.¹ Good for the kids' consciences, but not their parent's pockets! It's a good idea though.

So C. bought a hundred 'Googlies' (sherbet lemons) and handed them out at school. I bought him a tie-dye lunghi (I found some at last!), which is pretty cool. I got one for myself too.

On Saturday we went to Rameswaram with Kumar and took lots of photos of Pamban and Rev Jothi's church. We walked up the bridge and got some fantastic birds-eye views of the fishing village. One lady didn't take kindly to me taking arty farty shots of her neighbours and waved her broom at me. I waved back.

I was as subtle as I could be and the photos are brilliant! It was very hot and we moved on to the temple where it was cool and quiet. Quiet? That's right, deadly silent. no-one was around as it was lunchtime and we basically had the whole place to ourselves. We weren't sure about using our cameras so snapped away on the assumption that someone would stop us if it wasn't allowed. Several priests passed us without comment and it was only on the way out that we saw the 'Cameras Rs25' sign. Oh well, conned 'em out of 50p!

There were some horrible tourists on the beach so we got Kumar to talk Tamil while we nodded and said Amma? Amma. (Yes).

We visited Juliet in the evening, she wasn't there so we played chess and drafts until we decided we should probably go, at about nine-thirty. Her helper asked us to stay and eat but we thought she'd have to cook so we declined and left. We bumped into Juliet and her husband on the way back who forced us to go and eat. It turned out that the helper had already cooked for us and we said we didn't want it! Okay, not very interesting, but slightly embarrassing.

There's a mad little girl who comes round calling us 'idiots' and 'bloody fools'. She's a bit of a handful and on Sunday afternoon we we went with her and her sister Celine from 8th Standard to some other school's prize-giving. Celine was doing a dance and we sat through four hours of speeches then all the other dances before she came on! Celine's little sister, Vijilia, told C. that their father had 'bride-burned' their mother and is now living in Madras with another woman. They live with their grandparents. I know this stuff happens, but it's really horrible when it's someone you know.

It seems to be quite a major problem, people burning their wives / daughters-in-law because they're not happy with them or want more money. There are lots of other similar murders: men killing their whole families, wives killing their violent alcoholic husbands - often with the help of their children. I'm glad I don't actually live here! So much for 'Unity in Diversity', everyone's at war here.

We rushed back from the dance because of our dinner date with (the adorable) Miss Shanti, who had all but given up on us (it was eight o'clock). She wanted to take us to the Surya, but we ended up at the Abiraami, which is the only place in Ramnad worth eating at. I think she was feeling dodgy because she didn't eat much and had a very pained look on her face for most of the meal. Mybe it was 'women's problems', something your average Indian man wouldn't have a clue about.

...

You may recall that a few days ago I tried to visit one of the temples here to take pictures of the paintings but it was closed. And I met those three blokes. Well I went again today and took some of my own tapes. It was great playing my music for someone who appreciates it - I've found a place to leave all my tapes now! All three brothers do body-building, which is unusual for the Indians we've met so far! They were training today and are pretty huge!

It's also good to spend some time with people nearer my own age and with more 'grown-up' interests. They're too 'male' for C. though, I doubt if he'll come to meet them. We forgot to go to the temple so I'll have to go another time. Again, it's meeting people just before we leave - so annoying. It's all why can't you stay longer, we've only just met you!

We went to Juliet's this evening and she said, oh there's a sports day on March 8th - you will come, won't you? Dangling the carrot, bait, whatever you call it, I wish they wouldn't do that. We can't stay, great things are afoot...

Wednesday 19th February

C. has decided he's in love with someone he really shouldn't be in love with back home. That's all well and good, but he's been telling everyone she's his wife! I hope he doesn't fall for her then have to watch while she goes off with someone else. But WHY does he have to do all this 'married' stuff with people? He can think it, but it's like he's abusing her name and her friendship. Can she defend herself here? Deny or confirm it? No. What would she think of him if she knew what he was saying? She'll never know of course, but that somehow makes it worse. Do friends do that? This is a pretty big question and I'm not going to attempt to answer it. I just feel uncomfortable because I know her, and the situation is oh-so familiar.

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We've got nine days left in Ramnad, I'm going to shoot as much as I can next week, taking pictures of people. Most of my pictures are landscapes, buildings and arty things.

C. got a letter off M. yesterday and it's all about the church and God and stuff. He didn't write like that to me. He knows what he's doing, that chap, he knows I wouldn't like him writing like that to me. I prefer some things to remain unspoken. I don't think about my relationship with God, mainly because it's not so good.

Thursday 20th February

I've spent the day writing letters - probably the last lot I do before we go. I don't like feeling like this, everything is, we won't be doing THIS ere long. Things are getting finalised and desperate. I think we're going to be so busy that we won't have time to think over the next two months. I hope that I'll find whatever I'm looking for on our Round Trip.¹ I don't know if it's a Spiritual quest, but I do know that Something Important is going to happen in my life. At least I hope so, maybe I'll just be a good laugh!

Stress levels are rising as more people want to see us and we have more things to do, letters to write. We've got to start thinking about what to leave behind, who to give things to and how we are going to manage our luggage home. I want to send some things like books home by ship so that I don't have to carry them on the plane - then I can take more clothes with me. Plans, plans, plans! We got a telegram from Rev Fenn saying that our Round Trip will cost Rs 3,000 for two! That's £30 each! Absolutely nothing cheaper than staying in one place at any rate.²

...

I'm getting very sad inside now, all the friends that we've made will just become another record for USPG. I'm sure we'll write to some of them. But it'll peter out, like most things do. I always knew this would happen but was quite unprepared for it. I'm going to have to start the trip in a new frame of mind with a different outlook and New Aims.

I wish I really knew where God was in my life, I thought I knew he must be here looking after me but I'm so bad at praying / making time I don't know what he thinks of me. I'm definitely going to seem a quite different person when we get back. I never realised how valuable our culture is to me. How can half the country not talk to or care about the other half? I'm talking about men vs women here. How can the boys not care about being friends with the girls? They're going to have to marry one one day.

So many marriages must be full of misunderstandings, they don't know anything about the other sex. Just keep her in the kitchen, tell her you love her and ignore her when she's in one of 'those moods' your mother gets in, son. Or, He'll want sex all the time so be ready and don't complain.

And there must be so many stereotypes because there's no inter-sex dialogue. What about arranged marriages? Of course the majority of them seem to work - because if they didn't the wife would be burned by her mother-in-law or husband and he could get hacked to death by his wife and kids. Okay, so most marriages generally work, but how many people have died? Of course we have a higher divorce rate - how many repressed and abused Hindu's and Muslims are going to complain?

Apparently it's getting better though, centres are being set up to help deal with the problem! I know this may all sound extreme and a very narrow viewpoint, but it's weird to see so little love among a people so adamant about being nice and respecting each other. I thought parents were supposed to be respected and cared for by their children. Then why does Kiruba Teacher's mother do all the cooking, live on the floor and look like a dalit? Mothers are supposed to be respected above all others because there is nothing like a mother's love for her children. That's why Hindu Goddesses are generally more important than the Gods.

There is terrible prejudice against women despite this - in the paper the other day about rape within marriage it talked about women being the property of men, quoting Manu: "In childhood a women should be under her father's control, in youth under her husband's control and when her husband is dead under her son's."

The whole country's at war! between the sexes, between religions, between states, between countries! Where's the 'Unity in Diversity' that everyone's talking about? Apparently it's a common problem, all this fighting between Muslims and Hindus. At festival times as Ramadan ended, all the Muslims gave up fighting to be cleansed and absolved of all their sins but just after midnight it all started again with the death of a Muslim.

The HM at Schwartz (boys) said that it happens every year, especially this year with all the Palani Baba business. Why can't they just leave each other alone? It's encouraging that all the schools get on so well - but for how long? Will they be fighting when they grow up? Unity in Diversity

The states that are full of war are Kashmir, The Punjab, Assam, Darjeeling and God only knows where else. Not to mention the communal violence that's everyday life to most people. Unity in Diversity. What about Pakistan and Nepal? United against the common enemy! Best to make India a continent with twenty-odd separate countries.

Monday 24th February

On Friday night we jumped on a bus and made the long trek to Kanyakumari. We actually made it after all that planning! So after nine hours of restless slumber we arrived and made our way (at five in the morning) to the nearest hotel. In my Rough Guide, it says that the Hotel Tamil Nadu charges Rs100 for a 'non-AC double room with attached bathroom'. but the sign on the wall clearly said Rs325, which with tax, Kumar and Jerry ended up being Rs520! For twenty-four hours - so we had to be out by five-twenty the next day. I was dying to ask why the Rough Guide was wrong, but didn't having the courage.¹

Everyone wanted to sleep, but I was as bouncy and energetic as I could be to make sure we saw the sunrise. It's been hailed as the most spectacular view in India and with the Swami Vivekananda Rock Memorial in the background, it certainly Ranks among the top views ever in my experience. The gradual burst of colour as the sun rises behind a carpet of clouds, red, yellow and blue spreading out until the orange sun appears to applause and cheers from the thousands crowding on the shore. On Sunday we went down at five-thirty and the crowd was already beginning to gather for the sunrise at six-thirty.

We spent Saturday wandering around Kanyakumari, visited the temple to the virgin Goddess Kanya Devi (the story goes that Shiva wanted to marry her and set the wedding for midnight, but one of the other Gods turned into a cockerel and crowed at eleven. Shiva woke up, thought it was dawn so he'd missed the wedding and went home. She'd have lost some of her Shakti² if she's got married or something. As if God can be conned like that - maybe he hadn't had his weetabix...) - and took the ferry out to the Memorial.

The Swami Vivekananda Rock was built on one of two rocks that the great Swami was supposed to have meditated on. It's a marvel architecturally speaking, built out of marble and granite, but wasn't really that interesting unless you like this Swami bloke. He did Great Things for India and now has a ten foot high statue in a gorgeous building. I think India Bad Taste has come into play again though, because it looks like the rocks have been doctored with cement to look more symmetrical! The crowds were incredible and you had to walk round the rock a certain way, following these red arrows, otherwise these dodgy blokes would blow their whistles at you.

Kumar and Jerry went for a dip after lunch and we stayed with them to show everyone we wern't just toursits. The sand is amazing too, all precious stones and many different colour. But I forgot to collect some so I can't prove it. Hundreds of horrible tourists again - women wearing shorts and vests with no bra - men topless etc.

...

Later on we went to a place called Suchindram where we visited another temple. We were shown around by a wonderful chap who explained everything. The temple was by far the most interesting one we've seen so far. All the stones are intact as well - at Rameswaram they've just replaced the pillars with cement ones. t had lots of sets of musical pillars, all tuned to different scales and carved out of single blocks of granite. All the idols were huge as well, including one of Hanuman - the Monkey God that was easily twelve feet tall. So much was going on, all sorts of rituals and ceremonies and the temple is in such good condition that there can't be many tourists who go there. It's so weird finding a place like that which is almost untouched. Not for long, I fear.

On Sunday we also visited Trivandrum, the capital of Kerala, trusting Kumar to find the buses for us - something I don't plan to do again! We spent an hour in Nagercoil sitting on one bus while all the others went to Trivandrum instead. When we did finally get going, the bus broke down and we had to fight the crowds onto another one - standing the rest of the way.

It was like driving into another country. The roads stopped being straight, the land was thickly forested with palm trees and the writing changed from Tamil to Malayalam which is similar, but more curved and slightly alien. As we could no longer use Kumar for communication we got a map from the tourist office and trekked in the sun to the main temple. There was some festival going on and the city was so crowded it was worse than London on a Saturday! The streets were lined with thousands of women cooking pongal (who stole all the shade so we got sunburnt). Every ten metres we were attacked by huge speakers blasting out songs at a volume well above the pain barrier. It got worse as we got nearer the temple and I don't think I've ever seen so many people in one place in my life.

The temple was completely different to the ones in Tamil Nadu, the tower looked like it had been squashed! We weren't allowed inside, so we cooled off in some shade and made the burning trek back. There were other things we wanted to see but we were pressurised by heat, noise, time and people so we came back again. A fabulous weekend by all accounts and now we're into our final week here!

I had a very busy Friday - went to C.'s 9b (boys) class with my camera and snapped him being stern. We had coffee with the teachers and Mrs Snofia volunteered me to go and teach 6a because their teacher was taking exams. It was great! I learned my family's names in Tamil! I did all the games C.'s taught and left for 9b with my ears ringing. Mrs Snofia came to the girl's class just as C. was about to launch into Blockbusters and asked one of us to go and take 11th Standard. The girls wanted us both to stay (I think they wanted me really, of course - after all most of them are in my choir!), but I went and showed them the Tamil I'd just learned off 6a. It was good fun and I definitely work better with no pressure. It was so good not to have to teach, I feel that I'm much happier than I would have been. Even all our worries about not doing anything don't really matter any more because just looking for a job kept me busy!

Tuesday 25th February

I sent a parcel home today, and will be very annoyed if it gets lost because there were five films and three tapes in it. I'm still preparing myself psychologically for the next month - I have to be in the right frame of mind. I want to travel with no burdens and be absolutely free. Without Jerry to look after, Yesu to right with and Kumar to be miserable I think I'll be well on my way.

With the minimum of luggage - and time - except when C. decides to go by Indian Time that is! i'm quite because as my sis said, we're going to 'be in each other's faces again'. Also C.'s been getting more and more miserable - we've definitely swapped roles in the 'biting Kumar in the morning' situation too.

He still spends all his time marking and takes too long over it. He's so slow! No wonder he has no time for anything. He'd better write something for Thursday's worship or there'll be trouble.

Wednesday 26th February

Someone's NICKED my fucking camera! So much for leaving on a friendly note. The HM and Juliet are really upset but can't suspect their students.

It breaks down like this: Jerry and another boy saw it at lunchtime yesterday. So it was taken after school. I had choir, and stayed talking to Miss Shanti until five thirty.

When I got back, the Lewis Levail school children were here asking for photos with their friendly Auto-man. I got the pictures, they followed and I took them outside again. Suspect no. 1.

While I was gone, C. was working and was plagued by kids from Schwartz Matriculation. We've talked to all the ones C. remembers and who have said they were here. Suspect(s) no. 2.

Muthu comes round all the time, he was here yesterday and his demands have been getting more and more extravagant, including a request for Rs1,000 when he 'lost' some money he was supposed to be looking after! We didn't give him any. Suspect no. 3, but his father's a policeman. He came round this morning though, and helped look for it. He's never come here in school time before.

So the HM's going to talk to all the people we saw this morning and say that if they give it to me, no more will be said, but if it doesn't turn up the police will be in on Friday. Juliet said it was my fault because I shouldn't have been talking to Miss Shanti for so long as I knew C. wouldn't be concentrating on looking after my camera.¹ I think Muthu did it, after all he's a Schwartz boy.²

The worst thing is that we'll know whoever took it. We know who was here yesterday and one person has ruined our stay. how can we be friendly with people now? how can they get away with it when their parents and friends must find out somehow. They can't flog it on the Black Market (although we are enquiring down those channels).

Yesu is positive it's Muthu now, because he was forced to work for the man whose money he lost and he told Yesu that he was going to 'do something' to get the money. Yesu knows the shop he's likely to sell it in so we'll go there if it's not forthcoming.

...

(Some time later) Great news! Juliet and the HM went to Schwartz to see Mr Davidoss (The 'My boys are well behaved - we enforce it' chap) and he 'spoke' to Muthu. Guess what? He had my camera at school! Yesu was dead right about him, what an arsehole. He was obviously bitter that we wouldn't give him things and decided to help himself. Get a job you sad bastard. How could he steal from us? We thought he was just asking too much, but still thought he was our friend. All this time he's been planning this and now look what he's done - I've been miserable all day and even though I've got it back (well - I will do tomorrow) I'm still sad because of how he's treated our generosity.³ I'm very impressed with the swift action of the HM and Juliet and am so glad I didn't have to file an insurance claim and all that rubbish.

...

The Lewis Levail schoolchildren have come here almost every day to talk to us and today the main girl (leader, whatever) Hema, invited us to her house. It was great. So the day ended on a happy note, after being the most miserable one here by far.

God is a star and I love him to bits - not that I'm being materialistic or anything!

Thursday 27th February

So the camera was returned and though I'm happy to have it back, I'm also saddened by the whole affair, that a 'friend' could do that. Juliet is very righteous, saying that now it's back we should talk to Muthu and forgive and forget. Fine in theory, but - forgive me if I laugh - in practise? I know it's how a Christian would behave and I DO forgive him, but how can we pretend? I'll just remember the good times.

What would Juliet do if we stole one of her Rs11,000 bangles and she found out? Would she act like Jesus and say, take my necklace as well?Or would she forgive us then mourn for a lost friendship. It's not even that Muthu's sorry. I know that if I was faced with the Schwartz HM I'd admit to anything. Of course he's 'sorry'! Who wouldn't try to alleviate the punishment by feigning remorse? We've all done that. If he hadn't been caught he would have sold it and would be rolling in cash.

Also the Schwartz HM told us that Muthu wanted to talk to us but we mustn't ask him any questions! it seems the criminal doesn'twant his good name soiled so we're not allowed to tell anyone who did it. The fact that Jerry's mum went to Schwartz yesterday and we went today and the only suspect from Schwartz was Muthu... need I say more? Anyway, I'm not as nice as Juliet thought I was because I can't pretend a pre-meditating theiving shitbag is a nice boy. Yesu 'knows' through his own detective work and everyone's noticed that Muthu hasn't come here lately.

Apart from all this, I've had a wonderful day with the choir and our service this evening which was fantastic. Rev Athi actually came, which was a miracle in itself and afterwards we had tiffen at the Abiraami (Chola Burri - very nice!).

Miss Shanti was gorgeous as usual and said she especially liked the service because it had lots of my singing in it. My knees melted.

Tomorrow is my last choir day, today was our last service and this is our last week (apart from April). Closing down has started.

Friday 28th February

Well it's official, the Worst Day Of My Life is nearly over. We did 'We Shall Go Out With Joy', which they sang beautifully and I went to C.'s classes with 8a and 9b. The 9th boys had a free period and wanted to combine classes with the girls but the girls didn't, so I talked to them while C. dealt with the boys. After about five minutes the girls were called out for 'throw-ball' (a crap game) trials. So I went and talked to them there. Then after lunch I went and saw them again and stayed until three!

I gave out my address and phone number 'n'all and have definitely got my favourites! There's this girl called Devi (means 'goddess' - she is) who wanted to touch my hair and told me never to cut it! She also told me my eyes are so nice - why are they like that? I'm in love with at least six of them. They said that even though they won't be in the choir next year, they'll teach all my songs to the new ones. Well, they'll try.

Our last choir practise was so depressing. Devi started crying about halfway through 'Father god' and the rest followed. We stopped for a bit and the atmosphere came to me as I realised that this was the last time I'll really sing with these angels. They've been so wonderful and beautiful these past few months and now it's time. They all told me to stop crying because it made them cry and I couldn't because they were all crying. You can't imagine the intensity of love and emotion that was in that room this afternoon. I've never felt anything like that before - they were all crying for me! Never in my life will I forget this day.

My weeping was made more painful because I was unable to hug everyone. No contact at all and how alone did I feel? I needed a hug and a shoulder, I cursed the customs here. If only C. had been there.¹

So after about half an hour of this people left in dribs and drabs - we'd all pulled together to sing 'We Shall Go Out With Joy' and after the second attempt managed it. I've never heard such a happy song sound so sad and empty. Miss Shanti was very quiet and our new 12th standard friend Muthukumar took me away from it all on his scooter. He taught me to ride it and it was just the thing to take my mind of the misery. We went to the reservoir and threw stones at the fish.

When we returned, C. had gone shopping with Vijilia so I had to wait.² Miss Shanti (the exquisite) came round and we went for a walk talking mournfully of this and that (the afternoon, and Juliet's wrath). She told me that I have very beautiful eyes and just as I was about to throw myself at her feet we had to run out of the way of a train (we were on the railway track), so the moment was lost. I would gladly marry Miss Shanti, but money and culture are problems!³ The girls at St. Andrews noticed us walking so I hope she doesn't get teased.

...

We went to Juliet's house tonight, mainly to sort out our differences. I told her why I was so hurt about her saying it was my fault the camera was stolen and at last she understood. It turns out it's the 'Indian Way' to point out where you went wrong. If you had been there to watch it, it wouldn't have gone. Thanks, but I think I know that.

So here's attempting to cheer up (very difficult) and I'm doing 'Mustafa'⁴ with 12th Standard at their leaving do tomorrow. I don't know how the choir will hold up at assembly tomorrow though...