I've spent the day writing letters - probably the last lot I do before we go. I don't like feeling like this, everything is, we won't be doing THIS ere long. Things are getting finalised and desperate. I think we're going to be so busy that we won't have time to think over the next two months. I hope that I'll find whatever I'm looking for on our Round Trip.1 I don't know if it's a Spiritual quest, but I do know that Something Important is going to happen in my life. At least I hope so, maybe I'll just be a good laugh!
Stress levels are rising as more people want to see us and we have more things to do, letters to write. We've got to start thinking about what to leave behind, who to give things to and how we are going to manage our luggage home. I want to send some things like books home by ship so that I don't have to carry them on the plane - then I can take more clothes with me. Plans, plans, plans! We got a telegram from Rev Fenn saying that our Round Trip will cost Rs 3,000 for two! That's £30 each! Absolutely nothing cheaper than staying in one place at any rate.2
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I'm getting very sad inside now, all the friends that we've made will just become another record for USPG. I'm sure we'll write to some of them. But it'll peter out, like most things do. I always knew this would happen but was quite unprepared for it. I'm going to have to start the trip in a new frame of mind with a different outlook and New Aims.
I wish I really knew where God was in my life, I thought I knew he must be here looking after me but I'm so bad at praying / making time I don't know what he thinks of me. I'm definitely going to seem a quite different person when we get back. I never realised how valuable our culture is to me. How can half the country not talk to or care about the other half? I'm talking about men vs women here. How can the boys not care about being friends with the girls? They're going to have to marry one one day.
So many marriages must be full of misunderstandings, they don't know anything about the other sex. Just keep her in the kitchen, tell her you love her and ignore her when she's in one of 'those moods' your mother gets in, son. Or, He'll want sex all the time so be ready and don't complain.
And there must be so many stereotypes because there's no inter-sex dialogue. What about arranged marriages? Of course the majority of them seem to work - because if they didn't the wife would be burned by her mother-in-law or husband and he could get hacked to death by his wife and kids. Okay, so most marriages generally work, but how many people have died? Of course we have a higher divorce rate - how many repressed and abused Hindu's and Muslims are going to complain?
Apparently it's getting better though, centres are being set up to help deal with the problem! I know this may all sound extreme and a very narrow viewpoint, but it's weird to see so little love among a people so adamant about being nice and respecting each other. I thought parents were supposed to be respected and cared for by their children. Then why does Kiruba Teacher's mother do all the cooking, live on the floor and look like a dalit? Mothers are supposed to be respected above all others because there is nothing like a mother's love for her children. That's why Hindu Goddesses are generally more important than the Gods.
There is terrible prejudice against women despite this - in the paper the other day about rape within marriage it talked about women being the property of men, quoting Manu: "In childhood a women should be under her father's control, in youth under her husband's control and when her husband is dead under her son's."
The whole country's at war! between the sexes, between religions, between states, between countries! Where's the 'Unity in Diversity' that everyone's talking about? Apparently it's a common problem, all this fighting between Muslims and Hindus. At festival times as Ramadan ended, all the Muslims gave up fighting to be cleansed and absolved of all their sins but just after midnight it all started again with the death of a Muslim.
The HM at Schwartz (boys) said that it happens every year, especially this year with all the Palani Baba business. Why can't they just leave each other alone? It's encouraging that all the schools get on so well - but for how long? Will they be fighting when they grow up? Unity in Diversity
The states that are full of war are Kashmir, The Punjab, Assam, Darjeeling and God only knows where else. Not to mention the communal violence that's everyday life to most people. Unity in Diversity. What about Pakistan and Nepal? United against the common enemy! Best to make India a continent with twenty-odd separate countries.