"Many first year students arrived fairly hung over from the welcome weekend this year and putting them into a warm and darkened room with soft chairs for a long PowerPoint session had a predictable outcome..."
'Ere mate, wot's yor bike worf? The little urchin outside the pub that wolf-whistled my girlfriend the other week says. He's eating one of those microwave breakfast roll things - eggs, bacon, cereal all blended together and covered in breadcrumbs. His mate grins.
Some money? I say, turning down Going Postal by Terry Pratchett read by Tony Robinson to save my eyes lipreading strain. Can I borrow it? He asks, eyeing his mate mischieviously. I smile. Ah, no. I have to go to work now.
I'll wait for you. He says. I try to work out whether this unusual twelve year old has just threatened me or not.
Oh yes, the mad woman turns up! She is told to come downstairs but doesn't appear. Presumably she has been assaulted by the FBI or something. Perhaps she has taken our Dean hostage now. Stupidity still reigns in the enrolment room, some student gets really confused about a cheque that the University have sent him. It takes a long time to get through... I get given £3,000 in cash... The odd one gets cross, occasionally upset. I try not to sneeze on them.
A load of Health and Safety notices appear informing us that 'Fire Kills Students', which is useful to know.
The University's official Fee chasing letter has 'Free Payment Due' written in large letters at the top, a typo which I struggle to point out because it would be soo funny! But I'm a professional.
I take a different route home, just in case.
tell us more about the fire kills students thing?
Here you go, I took a photo (my hand was a bit shakey):
Interestingly, the poster has now Disappeared - presumably because it was soon followed by a notice on the monitors announcing that 'Fire Kills Students - Especially Mashed Ones', triggering lots of speculation on whether a normal potato masher would do or whether we should perhaps investigate more industrial methods.