The sleepless nights appear to have started already, and that's just me.

I lie awake listening to the soft breathing next to me and thinking about the little life that's brewing in there. This is what everybody goes through, right? It's not unusual.

So this week we have the second appointment with the midwife. She is very nice, but does kind of give me the impression that I shouldn't be here. It's all worth it though when we get to hear MiniMonkey's heatbeat, a sound which is at once both terrifying and exhilarating. Almost tempted to try and find out where I can get one of the listening gadgets from but am persuaded that I might become a touch annoying about it!

Anyway, the internet says she1 is able to do all sorts of facial expressions, such as squinting, yawning and grimacing, which I'm sure has absolutely nothing to do with the constant poking and singing she is subjected to in our house!

Not to mention that she can suck her thumb and grab the umbilical cord! Ding ding ding! Hey you up there! How about some more of those penny sweets?

Trying to read lots of Books About Babies, I know there's a million of them and everybody says they're all crap, but it's as much as a frame of mind issue as actually learning how to become SuperdadFatherhood , which women on Amazon hate.

Things are picking up so fast we've even got the school all planned out, will try not to be too disappointed when our dear child is 35, unemployed and living in the attic...

• 1. We don't actually know what 'it' is yet, but we're calling 'it' 'she' anyway...
• 2. Which will come naturally, obviously.