Skip The Budgie

In a fit of something to do in the evenings we watch [imdb:Flight 93] and I beg you all not to bother. They have spent so much time making it a sensitive portrayal of events that there is little of artistic, creative and political merit to make it a worthwhile endeavour. If you want to watch a bleary tearfest and top up your fear of flying then go ahead, but I am left feeling that there should be more of an attempt made to question the actions of the terrorists and the great unanswered question of what the fsck America thought was going to happen when they behave like the fattest, greediest kid in the playground?

The film gives you a stunted, heavily edited for the sake of Good Taste and Middle of the Road documentary making, view of what the people directly involved with this ill-fated flight lived through, a claustrophic picture of their world and the horror America felt when the Middle East jumped up and said hello.

Personally, I think it is slightly irresponsible of the film makers to avoid any sort of political agenda whatsoever, when here is a perfect platform and a captive audience. While it may be great for nostalgic tears, there is too much room for a rekindling of the ignorant fear-mongering that occured around 9/11 itself. The idea that the attacks were out of the blue and that America was innocent. In this sense, perhaps the film is just too accurate.

I mean no offense to the American people, well I mean offense to all those who appeared on our screens saying 'why? What did WE do?' But not to the people on that plane. They had balls. It does make you wonder what went on in the other planes that morning.

The basic human element, the fear, sadness and need for survival is portrayed in a powerful way and you do feel that the passengers are acting the best way they can - to protect others, knowing that all hope for themselves is already lost. This is the real point of the film but it just ends up feeling empty and that it is trying too hard to keep too many people happy. A cynic would say this is because of the money they will make, given the subject.

Still, there are more interesting things to get wound up about. Like why America is being so stupid over Iran at the moment, or why we're allowing our troops to behave like they're in 'Nam over in Iraq and Afghanistan.

For our one year anniversary we watch [imdb:Madagascar], which is a great film and has some jokes about poo in it.

Well, the first film was terrible, the hype around the books is annoying and yes, I grudgingly concede that it is nice to have a fantasy story of wizards and things being so popular.

After the first film I vowed ne'er to darken my eyes with this abhorration, ne'er to force them to glance upon a single word of this tosh, yes it's good for kids before they know any better (Black Cauldron, The Hobbit, LOTR, Dungeons and Dragons, Fighting Fantasy) but that's about it.

Of course back then I didn't have a girlfriend who spends every quiet moment reading and re-reading Harry Potter. I didn't for one second think I'd say yeah, let's go and see Harry Potter! It will be... fun and I most certainly didn't think I'd enjoy it quite as much as I did.

The film is okay. I had this whole review worked out but then I read JSto's ranting and realised that I'm not enough of, or even slightly a fan to do either side justice. So read that and then go and see it anyway.

At the weekend we go to see a film called Mystic India at the IMAX. It tells the story of Neelkanth Varni, a yogi who left his home at the age of 11 and walked around India for seven years getting wiser and stuff. It is quite, quite beautiful - well worth a look, even if you are paying six quid for a 45 minute film. It is on a massive screen too, which lends well to the scale of some of the buildings they show. They don't linger long enough on any of the buildings though, I would have been happy to sit through a Koyaanisqatsi-style slow motion film, but it was beautiful anyway.

We have a little dispute about whether you really can survive up the Himalayas wearing just a little cloth thing, the Nurse doesn't believe it's possible. I am failing to find evidence from the internet (yes, it does fail sometimes!) But I know yogis and sadhus do live up there, oh well. Great film though, made me want to go back and see more of the things I didn't see the last time.

In the evening we get a curry and watch Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham, not the best Bollywood film ever but pretty funny and chin-stroking (it's all about loving your family) nevertheless. I prefer the ones with real stories, about history and war like Asoka, Bhagat Singh and Mother India or great stories like Lagaan, Sholay... K3G is a bit of a chick flick but it keeps the mood going and most of the songs are great.

Your hero? The man says to me, winking as he takes our tickets. I can't work out what he's implying - that I've loved the book and its writer ever since I first learned to read, or that I'm only going to see this film because Johnny Depp is in it and I'm with my girlfriend. Obviously it's the former, plus Mssr. Depp is consistently good in films and it's a Tim Burton film, so will probably have excellent music and look brilliant.

Trademark Burton machinery starts us off, with Danny Elfman's music carrying us through the factory (the man is a musical genius). The film is full of this, childlike, comic-book and extremely well composedshots. On occasion the CGI gets a bit too carried away but on the whole it is pretty restrained and doesn't distract from the story.

I used to have the tapes with Roald Dahl himself reading the book. His gentle, slightly scarey voice is deeply ingrained in my CATCF psyche and I am gratified that many familiar lines are kept in this version of the film. Johnny Depp's Wonka speaks like the cast of Buffy, presumably to appeal to the young American generation, but making him appear extremely camp. He just about pulls it off with some hilarious jokes and brilliant ways of dealing with precocious children. The scripting and casting is pretty good with lots of comedy for all ages, the annoying children are very annoying and the parents are perfectly useless.

Now then. On to the question everyone's been asking themselves: Are the Oompa Loompas orange with green hair? Are their songs any good? Of course not. You can't have dwarves in films anymore, it's not PC! Elements of The Nightmare Before Christmas' songs creep into Mike TV's song, a glam rock pastiche that is half alright. The best song is the camp disco funk for Violet Beuregarde and the worst is the 70's Westlife Veruca Salt disaster.

There are elements here that aren't in the original tale, and original things that didn't make it into the other film. I won't give away any spoilers, but some are good although I thought the ending was pretty weak, leaving no room for a Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator film, which I actually preferred when I was younger.

The man winks at me again on the way out. Enjoy yourself? He says, I'm still trying to recognise him, maybe he wants me to become his apprentice so I can be the man who holds the bin bag at the end of films. I can't work out what he's implying, but I say, yeah, it was wicked and we emerge blinking into the half-light of reality, with smiles on our faces.

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Saw the film yesterday. I really enjoyed it, Marvin is great (look out for the old Marvin in a queue!) and Bill Nighy is an absolute genius as Slartibartfast. Most of the new stuff is related to the original ideas and things mentioned in the story and is pretty well executed. Except for:

1. The Love Stuff
   What the fuck is this all about? Sure, Trillian left Arthur to be with Zaphod, but she doesn't fancy him! It's pretty fucking obvious. She doesn't exactly have a relationship with Zaphod either. I bet it's the production company's fault. This bollocks nearly ruins the whole film.
   
2. The Point Of View Gun
   Ooow, painful. Did they really put this into the film just to augment the love bollocks and make me near throw up on the couple in front of me? Please...
   
3. Earth
   Okay, so let me get this right. The mice tell Slartibartfast they don't need Earth anymore, because they have arthur's brain, right? Everything that's funny in H2G2 is based on the idea that the characters inside it do ridiculous things instead of the obvious. It's about the way people dismiss things that take lots of effort and couldn't care less about anything, really. So we get to keep the Earth and the whole story on which the entire series is based on gets completely fucked over. Well done guys, so the next film (for there are bound to be more) is just going to be flakey bollocks? I guess that's what you get in the cinema these days. Can't expect people to think.
   
4. Nerd Points
   Geek problems, there were lots of bits of silence that should have been filled with the guide, and funny jokes we all know off by heart that could have filled the gaps, but didn't: 'It's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.' 'why, what did she tell you?' 'I don't know, I didn't listen.'

   Not a peep.

Apart from all this, I did enjoy the film because I already knew they were going to add new things. That's how the whole series works. They just spent about a third of the film with the love crap instead of being funny, and it's not like they're short of material!